Duality

Sometimes it's quite interesting the assignments that we're asked to do for some of our classes. Last semester I had to write an essay on the duality of human beings; how sometimes they seem as though they can act one way or believe one set of ideals but at the same time they act another way and have a subset of ideals, an almost secondary set of ideals. I have noticed this a lot more in my life since then. People can say one thing and believe another, act one way and really be quite different. To me, it seems as though these people are living in and "idealistic reality" as my professor stated.

Sometimes it's hard to tell when one person says something and means quite the opposite. It's hard to try and discern when people are being honest and when they're trying not to hurt you or trying to keep the truth from you. I tend to be frank and brutally honest with people, and very rarely do I keep the truth from others (very, very rarely). So I guess it is out of a desire to know that I write this post, as I desire to know the truth (and change the nature of this post because I did start writing it in anger and hostility).

Lately I have had a great personal battle with life. Life gets interesting when we don't have big problems, rather when have LOTS of little ones that all start to bog us down after trying to get rid of them. So, after much prayer and studying(and singing), I have some to the conclusion that this IS life. We just need to learn how to deal with it, and part of how I deal with it is reading the scriptures. Alma 34:40-41 and 2 Nephi 2:1-4 help me a TON. I find my strength and direction in the scriptures and in prayer.

I miss my family, but after my "time of rest" at home I understand that they won't change all too much within the next couple years. I love my family and know that I will have them for eternity, and that brings me much comfort.

I only have mere weeks left until I can turn in my papers...weeks. I remember sitting in my bedroom about a year-and-a-half ago thinking this time would never come. Time has gone by much more quickly than I would have liked it to, yet now it is moving so slowly...maybe it's because i'm anticipating something...

What is this Feeling?

I have a lot of feelings. Lots. No joke. Sometimes I find it hard to filter through all the muddied emotions and the incoherent thoughts that seem to creep inside my head and into my very core. The nice thing about life is that we are never alone, no matter how alone we may feel and how different we may ink we are there is always at least one person who understand: our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He never wants us to feel alone, he never wants us to be miserable. In fact, he wants the exact opposite, to be joyful and amiable, and that is why he blesses us with such amazing gifts like the Holy Ghost and true friends.
I am so grateful for the people that the Lord has given me in my life. I have been so blessed to be given great friends and an absolutely amazing family. So, to the people I love and care about, here's a shout-out.


Mom-You are my life. I live because I know that you love me and that you worked so hard to get me here. I live because you were there for me when nobody else was. I love because you taught me how to love. I serve because you always demonstrated true Christianity through your life of service. I am who I am because you eased me through the many problems that I had, you always held me and comforted me when I needed it. I am eternally grateful for your guiding influence in my life.

Dad-You were the example to which I always tried to pattern my life. Your quiet love and service were always astounding to me. You always give selflessly and you live selflessly; that is something I have tried to do in my life. I love how you honor your priesthood and how you always try to bless the lives of others through your actions, your prayers and your love.

Siovhan-You have always inspired me. I want to be like you so much. I have always wanted to be as great of a writer and as creative/inventive with words as you. I look us to you and honor your example of selfless love and charity every day. You are simply amazing.

Ben-You are such an amazing young man. You have such talent! You are creative and artistic, imaginative and inventive, and you have such a skill with words. Another thing that you are great at is forgiving other people. No matter who wronged you, no matter what they may have done you just forgive them. You also love people for who they are, you have this amazing and incredible ability to love others.

Mikaela-I always loved how your treated me with such love and respect. No matter how difficult life was for you you tried to make sure that your older brother was doing well and that I was happy. You make my life so much happier than you can imagine.


More to come...

Altruism

This week was a tough week. I've slowly, as the weeks progress and the weather changes, been realizing more and more how much I miss my home. I secretly love MA and the trees, the wacky weather, the wackier people, and the hectic driving. I especially miss my family and my ward. Don't get me wrong, I love BYU, my roommates and my ward out here, I simply miss the family ward spirit. I miss my siblings and most especially my parents.

My mom is my best friend and was always there for me when nobody else was. She loves me infinitely and eternally. She always gives me great advice and tries to ease my feelings and my mind. She has been on my mind constantly the past week, especially as I realized that it's been exactly two months since I've seen her or had her hug me and kiss me. I'm coming to realize that the Lord is refining me and training me (and I openly welcome needed training), but it still hurts sometimes not having that compassionate, charitable aura around me when I want it.

Now I need to thank someone that has helped me so much. My roommate. He is one of the nicest and most patient people that I know. He is a genuinely kind spirit, one with a great capacity to love and serve others, and one who always tries to make the best decisions he can. He is very forgiving and is patient with himself and doesn't generally make decisions that he would regret. In that regard I wish I could be more like him. He doesn't care how people view him and he never tries to offend people. So, Kyle, thank you. Thank you for always listening to me and putting up with my crazed emotions, thoughts and feelings. Thank you for helping all the time. You are the best friend/spiritual brother that i always wanted. You understand who I am, you respect me, you care. I cannot explain to you how much it means to me that you are there for me now when many others are not. You are such a strong person and such an inspiration for the type of person, the type of companion, I want to be.

Now it is late and I must retire...off to bed!

-B

Toda Mi Vida y Mi Alma

Este tiempo es un gran tiempo para mí. Estoy muy feliz porque todos mis sueños se están realizando.
Me encanta todas mis clases son magnificas! Mis profesores son muy amables y graciosos!
Ahora le estraño mi casa y la area que crecí...los árboles, los colores, los olores...argh.
A mi familia, os extraño pero yo sé que este tiempo puede ser muy dificil, pero estoy seguro que podemos sobrevivir este distancia. También pienso que es una buena experencia para nosotros...es una preparación para mi misión

Os amo.

Reflection

As usual this whole "moving on to my new life" process has been causing me to reflect more. So I have a list: a list of attributes I've acquired and been taught, etc. for which I'm grateful.

Writing/Reading: I have Siovhan to thank for giving me a love of words. When I was younger she would write me notes, and she would put emphasis on certain words in the notes. I loved how powerful words were to her, and I envied how they spoke to her. Thank you Siovhan, for everything you do.

Love/Reading: My mother has blessed me with my openness for compassion and charity. Although I fight it sometimes, I actually care about a great number of people. I have a hard time seeing people suffer. I've learned how deep love goes, as my mother has been with me through some of the toughest times in my life (72 hrs full labor anyone?!). My mom loves to read. She reads really quickly and I'm so jealous. She has always told me that all books contain some form of truth and that they have power and knowledge contained in them. Because of her I love to read. Thank you mom, I love you soo much, and I really hope you know that.

Learning/Languages: My dad inspired me to learn. He has always been brilliant and I have always wanted to know more than he knows! Odd, but true. I envied his brain. But because he has always pushed me and wanted me to excel, I have. He also inspired me to pursue my interest in Spanish. Y, por el, he recibido un gran amor para la idoma espanola y para idiomas en general. Thanks daddy, I love and admire you.

Patience: Even though my parents have desperately tried to instill patience in my personality...I have to thank another party for helping me. His name is Brandon. He was a missionary in my ward, and he taught me to slow down and take life as it comes. He was always open to change and new things happening, and I admired that about him. I'm not always as patient as I should be, but because of his example I am more patient. Thanks Brandon (even though you can't read this tehehe).

Perspective: This one is for the Branch fam. Mama Lisa, you always listen to me, and help me to understand that people think differently. You helped me realize that I am very different from other people (in a good way), and I know now that I just have to give people time and allow them to change in ways they come to realize. Emily has taught me to enjoy life, and be brave, to never give up and love everything! Thanks you two!

Everything else: My parents and my Heavenly Father have helped shape me into the person I am today, so they are to blame! Hahaha. Just kidding. I enjoy the love that come to me from all three, and I enjoy the support and strength they are. Thank you. Gracias por todo, mi vida, mi alma, mi todo.

Me

Write a letter to our future selves 15 years from now. Give advice, insight, etc.

Dear Braden,

You may not remember this note, but you will...i'm writing just to remind you of a few things.

Don't every be pushy and constantly correcting people. Yo may still do it from time to time, but be polite and kill 'em with love after doing it! Don't be too hard on your kids, they're bound to mess up from time to time, as you did many-a-time as well. Let them learn and grow like your Heavenly Father meant to have them do. Don't try and have them grow up too fast, and let them develop their own interests, hobbies, personalities, and friendships.

Be nice to your wife (mom will kill you if you don't), listen to her thoughts, worries, concerns, feelings. Be respectful and never judgmental. Never dishonor her.

Tolerate people and be patient. Never sell yourself out and pretend to be something you are not. Your friends like you just the way you are (or were :P) and you should never change just so that other people will accept you.

Above all else...love Christ, love your family, love the gospel, love others..love, love, love. Charity, true love, is the key to life.

Sincerely yours,
Braden

My Heart in a Nutshell

My inspiration--for more than just this post.

Instructions: "with as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in: a picture, a poem, a song (or piece of music), a phrase (or quote), an item of clothing, a place, and (just for fun) a Disney princess."

Photo:

some of my favorite flowers are dahlia. they are so beautiful...and i love this one because it is so colorful and bright.

Poem:
The Road Not Taken Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

so good...sometimes the road that is the best is the one less frequently taken.

Song:
August Moon by Sara Bareilles. I love her, and I love this song.

Quote:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
sure, i heard this on princess diaries when i was younger, but it is so inspirational, important and true.

Clothing:
could not live without my hoodie. so serious..i love these things.

Place:

my favorite city in my favorite condition. i love the rain, and i love england.

Disney Princess:

i love, love, love, love aurora. she is beautiful, she can sing, and she is gorgeous when she sleeps! what more can i ask for?

You Oughta Know

So, after Siovhan had her post based on the prompts given by Twenty Something Writers, I felt inspired to try it.

To my future children,
you oughta know:

1. Be yourself. Never sell yourself out to be something you're not. Never become or try to be what others want to you to be. Never be anything but you. If I had known that I might have been able to be happier through high school.
2. Don't be clingy. Apparently smothering your friends with love and trying to spend lots of time with them does little to help a friendship. Find a balance in your life, and find balance in your friendships.
3. Know your place. I don't mean know your limits, I mean know where you belong, know your strengths. Take time to learn about the gifts that you've been blessed with and learn to hone them. Know that you always have a place in your family and in the Lord's kingdom.
4. Pray, pray, pray. A wise woman once told me that even when I think I've done all that I can, I can always pray to be able to do more. We may not know when out lives are turning around or when our trials are over, but never forget that you have a Father in Heaven who knows you and loves you and is always willing to help you.
5. Read. I regret not reading a lot when I was younger because now it takes me forever to read anything. The more you read in your youth, the more quickly you'll be able to read in the future.

I may be an annoying dad, one that you don't think can understand, but know that I love you and that I'm always here for you.

Peace

Recap

So a lot happened this past week. I'll do a brief recap for all y'all.

I had my last senior prom last Friday/Saturday and had a blast, but I woke up Monday morning with an illness. It only got worse, and Tuesday I developed a fever. So I had the missionaries and my dad give me a blessing because I felt very, very ill. It was a very beautiful blessing and an elder that meant very much to me gave me a beautiful reminder that my Father in Heaven loves me. Then he was transferred. Sad. But he's learning and growing in another place where he has been called to train a greenie...

Grandma and grandpa flew in on Wednesday and that night was my Senior Awards night. I earned two certificates/awards and three scholarships totaling almost $1000! Then Kirsten flew in on Thursday and that night I was ordained to be an Elder! It was such a great thing, but even better was what came after. Not even a minute after i was ordained my good friend asked me to give him a blessing (as he had a very important test coming up). It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life and I was very happy. Later on was the Senior Night, a weird form of a talent show. it was very nice but just felt weird...being with my class after being away for so long.

I had an open house on Saturday and about 100 or so people showed up in about two hours. Graduation was Sunday afternoon. It was nice, and all of my friend's speeches were wonderful (the class president, valedictorian, and salutatorian are all my friends).

It was a very eventful week and very exciting...but now things are settling down and I need to find things to do.

Que todo vaya bien.

Bad Blogger

I'm such a bad blogger. I always forget to post (for weeks on end) and then I need to do summaries of everything that's happened. So, I've resolved to make sure I write at least once a week, and I'll motivate myself with chocolate. Mmmmm.

So, the weekend before my Spring Break I had a Band/Choir/Orchestra competition in Annapolis/Baltimore, Maryland. Milford High School Music was awarded 11 awards: 1 gold in band, 1 gold in A Capella Choir (my choir), 1 gold in orchestra, 1 silver in Concert Choir (Ben's choir), the "Best Overall Department", the "Best Overall Instrumental Program", the "Adjudicator's Award", and 3 invitations to a more prestigious competition in NYC, Chicago, and LA, and one other that escapes me. I had a great time, I got to talk about the gospel to a few friends, I made a great life-long friend (a person that I knew but wasn't really friends with), and I relaxed.

Then I came home. I hung out with friends for a couple days over vacation, but then I just sat at home because everyone was busy later on in the week. Then I got an allergic reaction to something, shaved and cut all the hives open, and gave myself a infection. So, I had to get oral and topical antibiotics and buy an electric razor so that it never happens again.

I had my National Honor Society induction ceremony, and now I'm technically supposed to be done. But I'm not, because my high school is cool. Just like the school toying with my last day. I've worked hard this year so that I don't have to take finals, but the school thinks that it's best to make me be in the school while all the other seniors are taking their finals. Cool. I really don't want to go, but I will probably have to go anyway.

I took all my AP exams as well. I think that I did fantastic on my AP Literature test, but I d sections of it. My AP Spanish exam was easier than I thought it was going to be and I think that I did well, yet I'm still nervous as to what score I might get.

Now I am attempting to write my eight-page research paper on Anna Karenina, because I need a full rough draft for Monday...kill me. I have written two full pages and I have no clue where to go now...

Until the next post. Peace, love, y que todo vaya bien para vosotros.

Futuro...El Porvenir

School is going to be ending soon for me. I'm starting to become more reflective and retrospective; I think more about the things I've done, the many lessons I've learned, the people who have helped me along the way, and I also look to the future.
While MHS has been a great outlet for testing my testimony and a great way for me to learn who I am. I have really come out of my shell while at MHS, in regards to social situations, and I am really happy that I've been able to do so. I've met a ton of really awesome people, mainly teachers, but a lot of my friends are really great, sometimes weird, but really great overall.
As I think about the life ahead of me, all i can think about is my impending voyage to BYU and my fast-approaching mission. I know that BYU is where I am supposed to go, and I now know what I'm going to study, however I am still a little nervous about the friends that I have yet to make. I ask myself constantly whether or not I'll be able to make such great friends as the friends I've been able to become so attached to out here. I also cannot believe that I'll actually be closer (in relative distance) to all my church friends, as the closest one lives three or four miles away.
Also, with regards to the whole mission thing...I was lying in my bed last night after my personal prayer, and before I fell asleep I realized something rather odd. I realized that in less than 9 months I can be turning in my papers, which mean that in less than a year's time I can know where I'll be serving my mission. I cannot wait, I'm thoroughly excited and wicked pumped for my mission...
As for life right now, all I can do is keep saing "Endure to the End" to myself. School is wicked boring and actually more like a chore for me now, which has never been the case for me. It's actually painful to be in that school now, I just want to be reading at home, or hangin' out with my cool mama. Argh....I have AP tests in less than a month......ew.
Oh well, as they say in Spain, "¡que todo vaya bien!"

18 Years

If any of you have known me since my youth you would be just as amazed as I that I've made it this long! My parents probably thought I would die early on in life (someone tired of listening to me talk would silence me...hahaha).
But seriously, where has the time gone? I can remember moving into the Residence Inn and staying there for three months waiting for my house like it happened yesterday. I can remember the yellow bedroom with the animal wallpaper in my home in St. Louis and crying over leaving my beloved 2nd grade class as if it happened this very morning. I honestly cannot believe that I'm so old....
Saturday morning, my birthday, I awoke at around 7:45, prior to my family's "SURPRISE" awakening... As I was once again gaining consciousness I came to a strange realization. I realized that in a matter of months I will be leaving my family for good (basically). Christmas breaks and the couple of weeks that I'll be home before my mission (hopefully only a couple weeks) really do not constitute being home in my opinion. Sure I'll miss my family and the crazy chaos that is my life when I am doing things with them, but at the same time I'm so excited to leave. It'll be a good change and it'll be a great experience.
Another strange realization that I came to is that I have learned to love and embrace change. If anyone were to ask my mother what would happen when she would rearrange my pillows before bed one would wonder how I have come so far in such a short time. I constantly seek change, and lately I have embraced surprises...which still baffles my poor mother. I don't know when this change occurred but I honestly love it so much.
I have limited days left out here and I'm trying to learn to make the best of them. Making my days fun and relaxing helps them to pass much more quickly than they have been as of late (grammar?). Although all my classes are easy and I don't really get much homework, school is still the bane of my existence. I enjoy three of my six classes, and two of my six have big tests coming in about two months (AP Spanish and AP Lit exams). Argh! I just want it to end....but i know I can endure. Only 45 more days....

Blessings

So, I've been very blessed in my life, and I think it takes a couple weeks of pure agony (waiting and waiting for things to happen) for me to realize that life is good. I was inspired by my sister's recent post about her life.

...I have a great family. Although they may drive me nuts sometimes (okay okay, so they drive me nuts constantly) I know that they back me in all I am, all I do, and all I want to be. They are one of the best support systems I have in my life besides the church and Christ.

...I have great leaders. I know that my leaders care about me and actually want me to succeed in life. In the past I may have complained a little about some of my old leaders, but the truth is that now I understand what I had to learn and why I needed to go through some of those experiences. It's amazing what a week of retrospection can do for a 17-almost-18-year-old.

...I love my Patriarchal Blessing. it;s possibly one of the coolest things that I own (next to my scriptures). It helps me all the time to know what I should be doing and where my life should be going. I love the knowledge that I am able to get from it whenever I think life is awful.

...I love the scriptures. It's been a recent thing for me, actual scripture study. I regret that I was never really into studying my scriptures previously, as do I regret my past for reading books in general.

...I LOVE BYU...okay, so I got into "BYU-the-provo" as Siovhan calls it. I was having a really rough week last week, and I was getting really tired of the day-to-day hassles of high school and life in general out here in this wasteland (i.e. small town Milford). Thursday night I was doing homework late (a.k.a. braden up until midnight due to concerts and appointments). I had this feeling to go on Facebook...i thought "Weird, but if God wants me to get on Facebook when I'm doing homework then fine!" One of my old friends updated his status to notify people he got in. So I was BeSmart.com in an instant, and then I was unable to breathe when I saw this...
It was such a great feeling. I ran in and told my parents, then I called my best friend, Siovhan. She was so excited for me, as was her friend and coworker Brandi.

...I love missionary work. Although none of my friends are ready to really har the gospel, I know that I can do my best to just be an example and just life righteously so that maybe in the future they can be ready and willing to accept the gospel. I also love serving with Elders in my area. They have such a love for the people out here, and they are great examples to me constantly of what I want to become (oh my...i turn 19 in 1 year and 2.5 weeks).

Well, when I think of more things I'm sure another post will come...and I hope all-a-y'all like the picture, as it's the first I've ever posted (I knew I needed to do it sometime, as my blog may look really boring).

Time

Time always seems to escape me, and I always seem to neglect my poor blog! I'm sorry for all of you who act just like I do and get online and check my friend's blogs weekly, for I have not updated in about 2 months. I'll do a quick recap.
I had a lot of schoolwork to do in December, and lots of extra curricular activities. I'm so tired of those! Anyway, Christmas rolled around. It was a particularly tough time because I was missing my elder sister dearly. It was our first winter apart and I could feel my spirits sink a little. I was able to take a well-earned break and play video games and intently read my scriptures daily. Then January came. I got my Eagle Scout Award on my parent's 25th wedding anniversary. I was able to have a six day break from school for being smart! I had better than an 88 and had less than three absences in a majority of my classes so I was able to skip final exams. I got my wisdom teeth taken out and discovered that I would make and AWFUL A.) gie and B.) steroid user. I was given 'roids and high amounts of opioids to ease the pain and lessen the swelling.
Now to my life right now. It involves lots of praying, studying, and waiting. I think that the Lord might want me to learn a lot of patience for future events in my life. I have to wait for everything in my life and it is sheer agony. I have to wait to hear back from BYU Provo, although I did get into my safety, BYU Idaho. I have to wait to go on a mission....biggest. drawback. EVER. I enjoy preaching the gospel and helping others, and myself, come closer to our Father in Heaven. I know that I can take this time and spend it learning my scriptures and more about myself to make me a better missionary, so I'm trying to make the most of it. If anyone really wants to improve their relationship with Christ or Heavenly Father, I suggest taking time to read chapters four and six in Preach My Gospel. They are about recognizing and understanding the Spirit, and developing Christ-like attributes. I can see my life blesses daily from the studying that I do in these sections. All of PMG is wonderful. I am just reading those chapters right now and can see the benefits of doing so...I'm sure the others will help me more in the future.
That's my life right now in a nutshell. Hope you enjoy the update. There will be more in the future (as I am trying to keep a better "record" of my life). -B