Letters from the MTC

Date: June 08, 2010
Area: MTC

Life is great here in the MTC. I have had some amazing experiences the past week that I want to recap really quickly for you (having only 30 minutes to write really makes me nervous...).

1. Teaching. I love teaching. My companion and I have become rather good at teaching with each other and teaching with the spirit. Our teacher told us that we still have some things to working on, but that if we work hard the rest of the district will follow us (apparently we're like the leaders at teaching, pretty cool).

2. THE SPIRIT. I have had such a spiritual week. I've had a lot of interesting experiences in my life that have led me to need to rely on the spirit to live, and for that I am so grateful. I have been able to use that to my advantage to help teach and to have scriptures come to my mind or have simple phrases of power be at the ready when I need to help an "investigator" learn something, or know that I have a testimony of it. I have also been able to receive so much personal revelation about my life.

3. Music. So, it's kind of sad that we are not allowed to listen to our own music here at the good old MTC, but it has helped me to rely on singing hymns and the music of the heart. We also had some of the old Church Hymnal Committee members come and talk to us about singing and brining our lives in line with Christ's (the speakers included the people who wrote the music for Press Forward Saints, Our Savior’s Love and Thy Holy Word). AMAZING. I shook all of their hands and thanked them for the work that they had done for the church and then thanked them, being the music enthusiast that I am, for having brought that music into my life. I told one of them that I had been in choir since I was 9 and he said it was a shame that the MTC Choir isn't running right now. So true.

4. Classes. The cool thing about being in the advanced class is that I have the opportunity to simply be taught in Spanish, rather than having to learn Spanish half the time and learn how to teach the other half. Yesterday we had a substitute teacher, as one of teachers was taking his LSAT (yikes!). He was amazing and really helped me feel comfortable. He asked us if we felt like we had received too much information yet. I said "Um. YES! I feel like I'm being inundated." (Forgive the rough English, I’m trying to remember what we were saying and then trying to translate everything into English...) He then told us that the MTC is like a fire hydrant, the hose carries the information to us, and then we have the hose put in our mouths...and VOILA! Our heads are getting blasted with information that we don't know how to use yet. But then he testified that when we get into the field so much of it will make sense, obviously not all at once, for that is too easy; however, over time we will remember what we have learned here and it will help us out.

My district is fantastic. After a few weird incidents--an Elder joining us for his last week being here after being here for 14 weeks, and one of our Sisters going home--I have realized that my life is now truly in the Lord's hands and that I need to get used to having my life just tossed about like a ship on the seas.

Mom, the Doctrine and Covenants are amazing! They give us so much guidance for these times, as well as give us hope for the life to come. I love that quote that you sent me from President Hinckley, it was exactly what I needed to hear about the doctrine contained in that precious book. And THANK YOU for using Preach My Gospel. In reality the whole ward should use it, but they don't understand that it's not solely for the missionaries or missionary work. Everything in there is amazing and can help us so much in our everyday lives: whether it is studying, teaching with the spirit, or even listening and teaching skills, every chapter in that book is meant for the betterment of our lives.

I see Ellis, Elder Hunsaker, daily. He's in my ZONE! I was so excited. It was such a wonderful tender mercy.

I have gotten all of your letters and I'm so excited that you have all gotten mine! I will write a few more before I leave on MONDAY! WOHOOO! Okay, itinerary, because I know I need to send it: I leave SLC at 6 in the morning on Monday June 14th. I arrive at Dallas at 9:35 and then have a 3 hour lay-over. Then I head to Miami and land at 4:35 and then stay there for my 2 hour layover. Anyway I leave Miami at 6:50 and arrive at Managua at 7:30. Flight #'s: American Airlines 1868, 795, 986.

I buzzed my hair, 1/2" all around. Weird. The girl cutting my hair asked me how long it had been since I had it that length, I told her I was 10 or 11 the last time it was that short.

Well, my time is almost up. I love you all! Keep studying your scriptures and praying for me!
--
Love,
Elder Bolton

Letters from the MTC

Date: June 01, 2010
Area: MTC

Okay, brace for impact! I'm going to unload everything you want to know in the 17 mins I have left thanks to the BYU/MTC IT department. (They were very rude today...silly people).

I am in a district with 4 other Elders and 3 Sisters (Hermanas). We're the only district in the Zone with Hermanas right now, but we get two whole districts of them this Wednesday. I live with one other Elder, my companion Elder Flores from California. We have an entire room to ourselves, so I get to have two pillows all to myself.

Schedule (the basic low-down):

6:30-Get Up and prepare for the day.

7:00-Be to class for personal study

7:30-Breakfast

8:15ish-Class or Gym Time (gym is about an hour)

12:30-Lunch

1:15-Class (or Study Time)

5:30-Dinner

6:15 Class (or Study Time)

9:00 Plan

9:30 Bedroom

10:15 Quiet Time

10:30 in BED

We have devotionals and firesides and stuff intermittently spread all over our very chaotic schedule. But the worst of it is over! I have now been here for almost a week exactly and I am supposed to leave the 16th of June! Side note: I had to go give some blood today because Nicaragua requires a blood check to see iv we have HIV or AIDS. The nurse said that they were just doing it as a precautionary measure, as they had already told Nicaragua that I was clean and they had checked my blood. ;)

Mom, that experience that you had at the Oquirrh Mountain Temple reminds me of my life at BYU. Every day I would walk out of my building when I was heading out to class or work I would see the temple as I was leaving my building. It is so amazing how many blessings we can experience for literally (or figuratively) facing our "tents" to the temple. And that temple is absolutely gorgeous! All I remember is seeing the chandelier when we were at the dedication last august (which feels like yesterday, by the way). And you have the worst luck when you travel. After reading your letter I feel the need to emphasize that life is interesting when you travel...

Your letters and thoughts/prayers help me out so much here; I can definitely feel your influence in my life as you are all trying to help me.

I love you all so much and cannot wait to send you letters and photos (as I really do not have much time to email every day).

Look up D&C 49 (about the Second Coming) and when you read verse 24 think of me!

keep praying for me! Love,
Elder Bolton

(The rest of this is from a brief one page letter we received from him in the mail, the same day as his email.)

Dear Familia,

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing well! Today was chaotic and so busy.

I love you all so very much! Everything here is what I expected and more!

My companion is very kind and very patient with me. There are all native Latinos in my class and the Spanish that they speak is VERY different from the Spanish that I speak. I love them all so much and I love my Branch President and teachers so much.

Love you lots. Stay strong.

Stories:
1. I saw who my companion was, and I knew him! I met him randomly at school and we connected real well. At first I was nervous because I didn't know him extremely well, but I love him. He is a fantastic Elder and now, District Leader (even though I am Senior Companion).

2. I got into class on Wednesday and was super nervous. Dad, I was not ready for the advanced program then, but I am now. I think in Spanish and I practice it all the time. I get to have fun with it a lot because I with all natives!

3. I told my Branch President that I felt inadequate in that classroom, but he told me that he knew that I was fulfilling prophecy. Check out D&C 49:24 for more information!

Languages

I LOVE this website. I just found it, and despite the fact that i will only be able to go on it for like the next few days...you can bet your life that I will be on it. all. the. time.

http://www.transparent.com/wotd/

Confusion

life is confusing. feelings are constricting. love is baffling.

i look forward to having certain situations alleviated, taken off my burdened shoulders, yet when it happens i feel terribly empty. i was so excited to get away from school, to leave the stress and a lot of the annoying situations behind me so that i could start preparing for my mission.

however, i feel somewhat hollow. i am still doing the good things in my life, praying, reading my scriptures, but i still have this empty spot. it took me a while to understand why it existed, then it dawned on me like the bright sun over the green haze of the New England horizon: i'm missing something that i made and integral part of me. i'm missing the connections that i made at school.

much like trees rooted firmly into the ground i am strengthened by the connections that i make. i will not foster a relationship if i feel it will just wither and die. much like trees i plant my strength deeply and do not expected to be uprooted, to be surprised and then suddenly without feeling. numb. gone.

i am no longer connected to my roommates in the same manner. i am no longer part of the everyday lives of my coworkers. the teachers that i hated at times and yet loved because they challenged me to be better than i am. i miss the great friends i had contact with almost every day, and people that i could talk to about all the craziness that was going on in my life/head. i no longer have the same pull in their lives...

at times i feel like a ghost, one that solidifies and touches someone's heart. then, after time, i slowly fade to let them live the rest of their life while i watch, totally helpless in the background (no other influence permitted). at times i wonder: have i been a good enough example? have i led them to understand their potential? will i ever have someone reach out and pull me back into mortality?

i also want someone to love me. someone here, with me. i yearn to be needed as much as i need others. that is my weakness. that is my kryptonite. love. i like to spend time with people, but it's always hard for me to tell if someone just likes to be around me or if they want to be closer to me. i guess i shouldn't worry about that now that i'm going to be an ambassador for the gospel i live and love. but still, the feeling persists.

Rant

after last week (and its spill over into this week) I feel like i need to express my feelings.

sometimes my blog seems to be a giant forum for me to RANT.

other times I feel as if people actually read what i write and relate to what I'm trying to communicate.

for whatever reason y0u are reading my blog...thank you...hopefully i'm not the only crazy one out there...although i think i'm not the only crazy in provo...

things that have bugged me over the past couple weeks:

i don't know why it is but i feel as if everything i do make people so react so dumbly. like today, i had JDawgs for lunch and when i eat fatty foods my tummy hurts.was well aware of this side effect. yet i wanted it so badly that i got it anyway. so, in short, i wound up getting hot dog burps and i accidentally burped in my work vehicle and my coworkers made fun of me the entire way...even though my other coworker burped, no joke, seven times after mine. they told me i smelled bad, i apologized and felt bad, but they wouldn't leave me alone.

also, it's totally fine for them to just be lazy and not do deliveries and study in the van when they have quizzes to prepare for, but when i ask to not do a delivery or to not drive they get upset. and they can joke around but when i try to be funny they think i'm weird. they find it weird that i actually PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS. people don't really understand that they can tell me a story once and i'll remember it pretty well, yet for some reason that makes me weird? sorry, the last time i checked a memory like that was pretty awesome. most people cannot remember things like i can...whatever.

i also don't understand why it is that people are so rude and sarcastic all the time. sarcasm really bugs me, especially when people follow it with the phrase "you know i'm just kidding. don't take things so personally!" that bugs me more than the sarcasm. i don't know if most people understand that sarcasm is truth wrapped up in a seemingly funny package held together with the sticky "SCREW YOU" and "YOUR IMPERFECTION ARE HILARIOUS" tape all over the nicely decorated gift wrap. i know that i'm not perfect, so i don't need your jokes to help me realize quite how imperfect i am, thank you.

i just wish older people would grow up. you may be 22 or 23 or 24, i don't give a fart. you can act a little bit older. there are times to have fun and to act younger; however, as a general rule acting your age won't kill you. i hate that i can act older and slightly more mature than those that are older than myself and for acting in such manner makes me mock worthy.

i also do not like people who cannot keep secrets. secrets are meant to be shared between people who trust one another. if there's one important lesson that i've learned at school it's that i can only trust a select few people. i have a mental list. and for some reason men suck at secret keeping...it's just not in their hard wiring...keep that in mind women.

and this wouldn't be complete without a post about my two PSYCHO roommates. i love two of my roommates but i have two that are like legit crazy. one has tried twice to force me to take him to the bus stop on the edge of campus (once he woke me up and i think he learned NEVER to wake me up--well, if you're not my mom it's not a good idea). the other is just like bipolar and for the past week has come home and gone to bed after me, generally waking me up around 3 or 4 a.m., then getting up and leaving around 4 p.m. i wonder why he complains that he's getting bad grades when he doesn't study, he plays video games and stay up until all hours of the early morning. he has also started to use my roommate's shampoo because his "disappeared" (i.e. he used it and doesn't want to replace it).

so, to all you who choose to be rude, overly sarcastic, immature and just dumb, this is me saying that i'm glad to know you. you make me grow. you make me learn. you force me to remind myself that i'm glad that i'm different and that i may be stupid, but that i pale in comparison to your example.

Parts and Pieces

My mom is soooo right (and it's odd that we've both been thinking about this). I often wonder if I give too much of myself to people, or if I give too much of my heart to things that really don't matter. I wonder if I spread myself too thin trying to accomplish everything I can, being a perfectionist like my momma.

Will I ever be whole again? After Siovhan left for college I felt like part of me was gone, then after leaving for college I felt even more incomplete. Slowly I started feeling better as I became closer to my roommate, but now he's gone too (as well as numerous other friends).

Sometimes I miss being 11 years old. I miss being innocent and young. I miss crushes. I miss not worrying. Everything seemed--and probably was--so much easier then. Love. Hate. Faith. Intelligence. Friendships. Family.

But, I know that everything happens for a reason. I am meant to struggle sometimes so that I can remember help is no more than a prayer away. I find solace in President Hinckley's words:
"I come to you tonight with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to "accentuate the positive." I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. Now I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man or woman who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his or her course.

What I am suggesting is that you turn from the negativism that so permeates our modern society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom you associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my wise father would say: 'Cynics do not contribute. Skeptics do not create. Doubters do not achieve.' "

This talk helps remind me to have faith, to trust my Father in Heaven with my life (especially with a mission right around the corner) and to hope for a brighter tomorrow. I need to be a little bit more optimistic than I have been lately...

Catharsis

I have had a rather cathartic week...work, classes, friendships, etc.
I feel like a mess...a chaotic jumble of human emotions all thrown into one being.